


If I Could Love You

by LedgerLines



Category: Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-13
Updated: 2012-08-13
Packaged: 2017-11-12 01:16:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/485023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LedgerLines/pseuds/LedgerLines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If the good doctor was capable of love, maybe this is how he would feel about our beloved Agent Starling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Could Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this awhile ago, it's put up from fanfiction.net  
> I'd love any reviews.

If I could love you, I would notice.

Notice how your hair is cut just right to compliment your face.

Notice how your clothing shows off your figure, but you're still modest.

Notice your blue eyes, and the emotions that flit through them, betraying what you don't want anyone else to know.

But I can't love you. They claim I'm sociopathic, that I'm unable to feel love. So how could I possibly love you Clarice?

Chilton claims I'm unlike anything they've ever seen.

I know people think I'm a monster.

They however, are wrong.

I show respect and courtesy to those who've earned it from me.

When I… hunt if you will, it's to rid the earth of those who aren't assets to it.

However you, Clarice, you are polite, you always talk in turn.

You are courteous and respond to courtesy.

If I could love you, I'd forgive you for trying to trick me, I'd say it was all Jack Crawford's fault.

But I can't love you.

I'm not unable to forgive. But that doesn't mean I will.

Clarice, if I could love you, I would imagine all of the times I could've been there for you.

Like when Miggs embarrassed you on your way out, the day we met.

If I could love you, I would imagine holding you while you cried.

Comforting you, and consoling you.

I would imagine being awoken by you after one of the nightmares about the lambs.

I'd wish I could stroke your hair as I held you while you cried, and have told you that it was okay.

I'd imagine being your rock that you could always lean on.

My mind would take me to images of you being distraught, and leaning on me, seeking me out, wanting my comfort.

But I cannot love you, so I don't imagine those things. In fact, I can't.

Understand, Clarice, that I don't love you, because I can't.

If I could love, I think I might go after you.

But I can't love, so I won't.

I'll leave you to live your life, happy.

I will evade the police, and you will be gone from my thoughts.

Because I can't love.

Oh, but if I could Clarice.

I would put you first.

You would be the light of my life, the fire in my damask heart.

However, my heart will remain so.

Dark and dreary, devoid of love and the joys it could bring.

The warmth I might feel in seeing your face.

Cooking meals for you, performing every service you could ever ask.

But you wouldn't, you would insist on doing it all yourself.

Because you're that kind of person.

Capable of love.

My opposite, you would show love. The love I cannot feel.

Why? Well, I've said enough times, that the 'experts' say I cannot love.

Though, should I ever talk to these so called 'experts', I would tell them of Misha.

My little sister, and how I… hunted, first to rid the world of the vermin that saw to her untimely end. And my part in it.

I would tell them about these musings. And how I've felt a rare tear when I've thought back to that cold winter's day.

They still say that I am sociopathic.

The fact remains, in their minds, that I cannot love you.

Or anyone.

That I never have, and I never will.

But Clarice, if I could, if I could.


End file.
